Futureoftheocean discusses with Dana G.

Futureoftheocean:

Thank you very much Dana for accepting to discuss with Futureoftheocean about such a sensitive and personal topic: the life of a partner of a maritime professional.

These interviews start with… the beginning so where and how is yours beginning?

Dana G.: 

I believe that nothing in life happens by chance or coincidence. Everything happens for a reason and it is influenced by people we meet. Sometimes their influence can be life changing…..In my case, it really was.

I was born and rose in Constanta which is Romania’s port at Black Sea, so the city to be if you were looking to become or if you already were a Romanian sailor.

As child the stories told by my mum’s cousin were fascinating me. He was a sailor at that time and I remember we were visiting him between his voyages. Every time he came with new stories, about exotic places, customs and people … I’m not so sure if  they were also about exotic adventures (Dana smiles). Sometimes he was also having gifts for us… I still remember the Chinese tea cups he brought us…They were made from such a thin material and they were decorated not only on the outside but on the inside bottom too. To be able to see the image from the inside bottom you should have had a clear liquid in the cup and because we were not familiar with tea, we were serving hot tzuica (traditional Romania spirit distilled from fruits, commonly grapes or plums) from it 😊 The liquid was revealing on the bottom some Asian ladies … Absolutely fascinating… I think that in my subconscious I still dream to drink a good tea from such cup (Dana tells me looking to the cup in her hand what definitively was not exactly that type of cup).

I remember very well that I was 11 years old when I wrote in my diary that I will marry a sailor….(she smiles again).  It was a promise to myself, to my older self.

Despite the fact that I am not so keen to travel, I was and I still am fascinated to discover the world, new places, new cities, to meet people. I know that it sounds a bit strange knowing that I’m not interested in tourism but to make it clear, I’m not interested in regular tourism. I am not willing to pay money just to see frugal and superficial places, only reason being to add them on a list. I am interested to visit places hidden of the tourist’s eyes, to observe and understand people’s day to day life, their culture, to touch at least for a second their soul and spirit. But this is difficult, isn’t it?

Futureoftheocean:

I guess that been the young wife of a young sailor was a little bit of shock.

Dana G.:

Yes, of course. Despite my early dreams about marrying a sailor I must say that I had absolutely no idea about how our life will be in reality. It was not dating anymore. It was like suddenly I found myself in business as apart of going to work for 8 hours/day, now I was having a family, lots of responsibilities, managing the family’s business, taking care of a child (soon two) 😊. Once having the children my tasks and responsibilities have increased even more as apart of being a mom I had to figure out how to fill up the emptiness left by their father’s absence. It is not easy to raise up two boys when they have a ‘’part time’’ father 😊 but I managed all well while scoring dates out of the calendar and counting days to Eugen’s arrival (Dana smiles). 

On the other hand in a time when you could still feel the effects of communism in an East Europe country, when a woman wouldn’t have a place on a ship, I was intrigued by stories about foreign and especially exotic places, dreaming to visit them one day.

All the stories told by my husband were amazing to me. All his pictures were having in background either an amazing gulf or a tropical garden, impressive buildings, or native people. Some pictures were taken on wonderful streets or terraces of exotic Asian or African restaurants… Not to tell you that in my imagination all these famous ports were having also large streets packed with marvellous all day and night lighted shops that I have seen only in movies. I was wondering myself…..hmm....what kind of life this could be? A life of continuous wander and enjoyment, a bohemian life… I was terrible jealous.

Although at home we were having a life much over average, taking all the above into consideration I was considering my husband a lucky man who was living the big dream.

I know now that my perspective on his life was completely wrong. I was seeing only a side of the coin therefore I was not properly understanding my husband’s life as a sailor. I had no idea about the continuous work on board and I never imagined that the pictures from harbours were done in the rare moments, when the routine tasks allow some free time. 

I thought that he knows nothing about my daily struggle, about the rivers of tears I was crying because I was missing him. I thought that it is very convenient for him only to pick up the fruits and miss the planting and wetting as I was taking care to be everything perfect for the time when he was at home between voyages. But never thought that in fact he was suffering too because he was missing the most of the magic moments as…first word, step and smile of his children, Christmas, Easter or New year night without his family around….

I know now that all these are a heavy burden but if carried right, they could be a strong foundation to build a life on.

Futureoftheocean:

Ok, I got it but it is still something what I don’t understand about how was this life a dream.

What I don’t understand is the fact that you probably had no social life.

Dana G.:

You are completely wrong assuming this. It was quite opposite – I had a rich social life although I was the only woman on board… When Eugen was on duty I was spending time on the bridge, with the deck crew. This is where I’ve met new people and I had very interesting conversations, obviously excluding this interview (Dana smiles so the small kidding was obvious… I have to admit that some I’m quite dull)

I have engaged with most of the officers as they had been sailing with Eugen for several years, so we kind of knew each other.  They were sharing with me their thoughts on various subjects, stories about their families (especially about their kids. They must have missed them terribly) I was surprised to find out that sailing was not a passion for all of them as I thought, which was making things even more difficult for them. For some of them was just a very well paid job meant to help them raise some money and fulfil their real dreams. One of the officers, for example, was having a real passion for forestry.  He studied it in his youth and his dream was that one day to have his own little forest.  He even named his two daughters “Twig” and “Sprig”. “Twig” (Romanian “Crengutza”) is  not a very common name but “Sprig” (Romanian “Ramurica”) is definitively something very original… 

All of Eugen’s colleagues were great story tellers but the Captain was probably the greatest. A man of high culture, talking fluently in excess of ten languages, a real gentleman as well, and true leader.

He was visiting me and Eugen every afternoon and the hours spent in his presence were so precious.. He was teaching me Greek language and in return, I was serving him homemade ice cream.

This voyage was possible because he accepted to have me on board and I will always be grateful to him.

Beside the social life I have also managed to read a lot. I read history, geography and also literature about the places visited during the voyage.  Well… for me they were ‘’places to visit’’ but for the crew they were only places where work must be done fast and without mistakes… So I did my best to prepare myself for what I visited and I have to say that I have been really lucky to see places hidden to the tourists’ eyes. Not to say that visiting Iraq after the bombardments and Basrah under embargo was not something that you could have been done as a regular tourist… None of the places visited were a touristic area, but ordinary places where I could see what everyday life is like for those who were living there.. Therefore I can say that I had access to places and experiences which would have been completely inaccessible in any other way.  I have also wrote my thoughts about what I have seen, trying somehow to transform all the images and feelings into words. 

Futureoftheocean:

Fair enough when children are in discussion but what do you have to say about adult couples?

Do you recommend this experience for adult couples?

Dana G.:

Yes, I do.

I recommend a sea voyage to all partners of the sailors as it would help them to spend more time together and understand their halves better. This would be a huge benefit for the couple.

Before having the chance to sail with my husband I considered myself a victim and I thought that all these trips were for him nothing but bohemian adventures… 

After my first voyage with Eugen my perspective of his work and his life during his time on the sea have changed completely and I think that I started to understand better his struggle. This experience changed completely the dynamic of our relation. The fact that Eugen was a sailor during that period of our marriage had an amazing positive effect on our relation and it consolidated it.

As soon as I returned from that trip, I decided that from then on to dedicate the time when Eugen is at home, only to us, as a family. So every period of time when Eugen's was at home, became a honeymoon.

Futureoftheocean:

I know this is a happy story, still ongoing, and this was the reason to ask you for this interview.

If would be to tell something to another young partner of another young professional at the beginning of career and relation, what would you say?

Dana G.:

I avoid giving advices as each person should have its own experiences in life but I did have a conversation with my elder son regarding to this.

Fascinated, probably, by the stories heard from his father, he flirted for few years with the idea to become a marine officer so I have asked him if he remembers how we used to spray his father’s perfume in each room of the house just to give us the impression that he is with us. I have also asked him if he remembers how he was sleeping holding tight his father’s pullover for the entire night, just to have the feeling that his father was around… 

Anyways, in now days, things are a bit different and as far as I understood the voyages are now no longer than 2-3 months. You can’t compare this with the days when the sailors were on the sea for at least 4 months. For example the longest time Eugen was away from home in a voyage was 13 months.

In any case, anyone who decide to become a sailor, or to marry one, needs to know both sides of the coin and to be aware that they have to pay a price like missing the important moments from the life of their dearest ones.

Moreover, the relation with the partner must be based on confidence, strong communication, understanding and last but not least unconditional LOVE.

In the entry phrase of the novel Anna Karenina, Tolstoy was saying:

“Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

This phrase is acclaimed and quoted by many but I think that Tolstoy was only half right.

Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way same as every happy family is happy in its own way. 

So the only valid advice I would give is:

Think careful and in depth before choosing to become a sailor or the partner of a sailor. You are unique, your circumstances are unique so the decision should be only yours and you are the only one responsible for how you live your life.

You can make it possible and enjoyable even if it is tough.  Eugen and I can testify!